In the Land of Roses

Melancholy

2011-12-13T15:53:00.002-07:00

I am having a hard time motivating myself today. In fact, it is after 4 pm and I am still wearing my pajamas. The weather is depressing. The fact that I really have nothing to do is depressing. But most of all, the fact that it is December 13th at about 4:30 pm is very depressing. 6 years ago today my dear friend was killed in a horrific car accident, the details of which I know too many.

I am, for the most part, resigned to the knowledge that God took her because it was her "time". I am not at all sad for her. I'm not even really sad for myself anymore although I do get melancholy at times when I think about who she would be today. I am devastated for her mother. Until Molly was born I had not really considered what Kristin's family had gone through and even when I did pull myself out of my selfish grief I don't think I could have possibly understood until I was holding my own baby in my arms. Now that my girls have wormed themselves so deeply into my heart, the concept of losing either of them is heartbreaking for me.

I always get edgy on this day. I get nervous about Jared out driving to and from work(even when the weather is perfect!) I call anyone I know who is traveling and I basically spend most of my time giving into my nervous habits. Today, I was changing Emily and when I was done I couldn't find Molly. On a normal day I would rationally assume that she is wherever she is not supposed to be which is most likely the basement. Today I ran around the house calling her name and what couldn't have been more the 15 seconds felt like 10 minutes. When she came padding up the stairs with that sheepish look on her face, I grabbed her and squeezed her rather than the usual punishment of being sent to her room. This silly anxiousness will pass by bedtime and I will wake up hardly remembering this at all. But in the meantime, I am holding my girls tight, getting ready to bake a pizza and hunker down with a movie for the evening. And I am remembering Kristin. Her smile, her laugh, her kindness, her mountain dew addiction and her heart.

Yep, they're cute!

2011-11-03T21:33:00.000-06:00

Painting Pumpkins with Daddy

A rare but super sweet laugh from my somber one.

Pumpkin patch fun!

"Mom, whereareooo?"

2011-11-03T19:34:00.000-06:00

Molly's new favorite phrase is, "Mom, whereareooo?" It's such a little thing but it makes me all sappy and teary eyed. I guess I love that she misses me even when I just go to do laundry. I wonder how long she will "need" to know where I am at all time. So now you know how easily I can be turned into a giant puddle of goo from one simple phrase.

Now imagine what happens to me when Molly yells from her room, "Mommy I NEED you!" Yep. I fight back sappy uber-emotional tears and run to her side just to hear her say, "I want cereal."

We have recently started having "conversations" sometimes she will just jabber on about her toys or "read" me a book or she will just vehemently tell me something that is obviously very important for me to know. I know that the days of her wanting to cuddle with me are short and the days of playing a game a little less short but I am striving to encourage a great communication between us. My Mom and I talk for hours each week and never seem to run out of things to say. Even though we live 3 hours apart and I am all grown up I love talking to my Mom. I want that relationship with my daughter. I want her to want to talk to me. I spent many hours talking to my Mom in the evenings when I was a teenager and I can't imagine how rough those years would have been for me if we hadn't had that relationship.

Maybe someday Molly will be too old to sit on my lap or fall asleep in my arms(although I choose not to think about those days) but I endeavor everyday to build a relationship of communication with my baby girl. Today, when I took Molly into the grocery store I asked her if she had a fun day and she vigorously nodded and the said, "Play, gibberish, truck, gibberish, uh-huh, gibberish, Bubby(which means Abby) gibberish, baby, gibberish, Wee!" I really don't have any clue what most of that was but I do know that she played and saw a Firetruck and then played with Abby which apparently she enjoyed greatly! As she is learning to verbalize more and more each day I am so excited for our future conversations. It reminds me that even though I am going to miss our cuddle time and she is going to grow up...I will always have conversations.

Fall blues

2011-10-12T10:10:00.000-06:00

I love fall! I love the smell, the colors, the food and especially the clothes! I hate dirt. I hate dust and I hate mess. This causes a bit of an issue with my love of fall. You see, we live next door to 2 separate grain elevators. Elevators which run 24/7 this time of year. Corn dust has coated my windows, my back patio and my front porch. Which means that every time we open a door, corn dust comes flowing in leaving corn tracks all over my floors and all of my furniture covered in dust. This causes me stress. I have no motivation to clean because I know that I can't clean my windows or rid the house of dust, so I don't. Dog hair and cereal crumbs pile up on my floor which makes my early morning workout feel gross and depressing. Because I can't open the windows, it feels stuffy and smelly inside and I smell things that have no business being smells in my house.

So today, in an effort to rid myself of my annual fall blues, I am cleaning. I am dusting, vacuuming and sweeping. It may only last until Saturday(because Jared will be home all weekend and that means MESS) but at least for the next three days my house will be comfy and cozy again.

On the plus side, my house is tiny and I only have one bathroom which means cleaning the entire house takes less than an afternoon...or a little longer if Molly tries to help :)

Liar Liar

2011-10-05T21:37:00.001-06:00

My husband told me today that I am prettier than "the hot chick from the pepsi commercial!"

He means Sophia Vergara.

And he's a liar. But I love him.

Sweet Pumkin-ny Memories

2011-09-22T21:44:00.003-06:00

I have been wanting something pumpkin-ny ever since it first got cold. And we ran out of cookies so it was the perfect excuse to make pumpkin cookies! So Molly and I went into the kitchen to get to work. She sobbed most of the morning because her head hurt from a fever so I was happy to be able to make her smile.

I am kind of nutso about my kitchen. Jared and I cannot cook together because he is too messy. Drives me crazy! So obviously cooking with a 2 year old is a challenge for me. But....My mommy was a good mommy and let me make messes in the kitchen and I strive to be as good of a mom as she is. So we got out all of our ingredients and utensils and started the oven and I showed her how to scoop the flour and gave her the scoop and she...washed it. She put it in the sink and wiped it down with the sponge and put it in the drainer. I watched, speechless and thought maybe it was a fluke. So we tried again. I scooped the sugar and handed it to her to put it in the bowl. She dumped it back into the container and washed the scoop.

When Molly first began picking up her toys she would organize them into the proper boxes and would not relax unless they were all organized. When she was 16 months old she started wiping down everything she could find with anything she could find. Now when I give her the opportunity she loves to scrub the carpet with the carpet brush. I thought it was a fluke.

After watching her wash the scoops I tried to encourage her to help me with the cookies by showing her how to crack eggs. That got her excited! So she tried it...and got egg on her hand...and screamed. So she washed her hand. And the counter. And the bowl she cracked the egg into.

So maybe she will never be a baker but at least my kitchen is going to be VERY clean. Regardless of the fact that I made the cookies myself and she only wanted to do dishes it was still a great memory. We giggled and listened to the BeeGees and danced. It was a great day.

Blessings

2011-09-19T21:09:00.001-06:00

Three years ago today I was wearing a viking hat and having dinner with about 40 people. My bridesmaid and I spilled blue fingernail polish on my mom's very nice carpet and I got a terrible nights sleep.

All of that happened because 3 years ago tomorrow I married my best friend.

I don't like weddings. See I wanted to get married in the courthouse. Or maybe at the beach. Maybe even in a church with nobody else there. But...Jared wanted a wedding. Sigh. So we had a wedding. A giant fancy wedding with the big poofy white dress(I actually really liked that part) and a large cake that I did not eat and a dance. Had it been left up to me, we may very well have had a bonfire on the beach of Lake Mac whilst wearing our swimsuits and splashing in the waves. But we didn't. And Jared loved it. So I did too.

I think it made my Mom happy too.

And now that we are married, I can't imagine it being any different. I love our pictures. I love the memories. I love the fact that my grandparents got to see me get married. I am so happy that we were married by my pastor before he moved(Jared calls him Colonel Sanders).

Most of all, I am happy I married my husband. In three years we have experienced a lot. Jared lost his job, then we found out we were pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl all before our first anniversary. Now, two daughters and many rough times later we are still just as happy as we were on that day. (Well in my case more because I don't have to decorate any silly tables or pretend to care about flower arrangements).

We live a boring simple life and we love it. We are blessed.

2011-09-11T22:11:00.003-06:00

If I could, I would hug every single one of the heroes of 9/11. And I am not a hugger. Shame on the organizers of the memorial service for not inviting the EMT's, FDNY and NYPD who responded to that terrible tragedy. They knew they were walking into danger. They lost friends. They lost loved ones. They deserved to be honored. They are heroes!

Mayor Bloomberg also banned any prayer from the Memorial service. As a disclaimer I will say that I didn't see the service and I have no idea whether a prayer was actually incorporated. That being said, I am LIVID that not only was prayer "banned" there was no public outrage at this obvious snub of our rights and freedoms as Americans.

Congress shallmake no law respectingan establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

If congress does not have the right to say that we cannot pray when and where we wish then Mayor Bloomberg CERTAINLY does not!

I am praying for Mayor Bloomberg tonight. I pray that God will show him the error of his ways and that he will be humbled before the Almighty.

But first and foremost, I am praying for our country and her people. I pray that as we reflect on the senselessness of 9/11 we as a people will turn our hearts to God and place our hope in Him. For if God is for us, who can be against us?

2011-09-10T18:26:00.000-06:00

This was my afternoon. It was lovely!

2011-09-08T21:59:00.007-06:00

I noticed today on my Facebook page that I write ALOT! Way too much to put as status. The problem is that I want everybody to know how adorably wonderful my girls are. Solution-blogging of course! I haven't blogged in a really long time and I miss it. So there is a ton to catch up on, but where to start?

This summer we added to our family...

Emily Diane-5 pounds 8 ounces, 35 week gestational age.

She was so tiny, and so sick.
My body doesn't seem to want to cooperate when it comes to making babies. Both of my girls were born at 35 weeks and 3 days gestation. They both had to stay in the hospital 8 and 9 days consecutively.

She is home now. Yay!

Big sister loves her baby and she has been very helpful.

I am constantly amazed at how quickly children grow and I am determined to enjoy each moment more this time around. Maybe that's why I don't feel as exhausted as I did with Molly even though I am only getting about 5 hours of sleep a night, 4 of which are co-sleeping hours.

Molly turned 2 last month. I have mixed feelings about that. I am so excited when she learns something new! But...2 is the age when everything changes. She isn't a baby anymore. She doesn't even need me when she falls anymore. Now she just say's "Ouch!" and moves on. It's a good thing I have a baby who needs me because if I didn't I would be in a serious state of depression!

She is loving life though, and I am grateful for that.

Okay, perhaps that's enough for now...gotta save some adorable pictures for my next post ;)

2010-06-16T21:22:00.001-06:00

Welcome back!

2010-06-16T21:16:00.002-06:00

Boy I think I should get on here more often, eh?

As an update, we are all doing really well. Jared is working as a deliveryman for Cash-Wa Candy and I am staying at home. Our baby girl Molly is almost 10 months old and she is beautiful and brilliant!

Some thoughts for today are:

What did people use before wet wipes were invented?

I love grapes! I used to hate them but now I love them. Weird, huh?

I think time moves too fast.

My brother is amazing!

I miss my friends. Stupid people moved away!

And now I will attempt posting pictures!

A much needed update!

2009-07-18T16:49:00.001-06:00

It has been awhile since I posted. I really need to make more time to do this!

We have been quite busy these last couple of months! We have almost finished renovating the nursery but we still need to paint the monkeys on the walls. We are going with a sock monkey jungle theme and my two best friends are coming to my house in August to do the artwork. I am 31 weeks along and the baby is moving all of the time. We have had a very easy pregnancy healthwise although it has been a bit stressful!

Jared is still mowing lawns and will continue doing so for a few more weeks. We are really praying he finds a good job and fast! I don't really want to have to work after the baby is born but it looks like I will be for now. At least the baby will have a daddy at home to take care of her so we won't have to get a daycare provider and I am thankful for that. I don't like the idea of a stranger raising my baby.

We have another new addition to our family. My aunt and uncle adopted a baby boy named JT last month so there will be 2 babies at family get-togethers now. We were all very excited to meet him and his arrival was a huge surprise to all! His big sister, who is 7, is the most excited of all!

Alot of my friends have become mom's in the last few months as well so it seems as though we are surrounded by babies. It has been awhile since we were home in Ogallala to visit so my brother and I are headed out there soon while my husband Jared is on a bachelor fishing trip with his best friend. Then soon after we have a baby shower and a wedding and then hopefully we will be settling down for a little while before the baby is born!

We are very ready to meet our baby girl! Jared says that he want's to be able to hold her because I have been hogging her for the last 7 months. I told him that if I could share this job I totally would!!! But even though we are excited to meet her it is wierd to think that I am old enough to be a mom. I still don't feel like I am old enough to be married! It is amazing how quickly time flies! I remember when we got engaged and I thought it was going to be forever before we were finally married! Now I kind of wish time would slow down and even though I want this baby out and in my arms I am kind of hoping that we are able to stop and enjoy the time that we have left as just a newlywed couple.

To speak or not to speak

2009-03-28T11:38:00.002-06:00

I feel bad when I don't post on here in a long time but I always manage to console myself by saying only 3 people read it anyways!

Today I heard tragic news. A young girl in Hastings was killed last night by a drunk driver. She was a friend of my husbands cousin. Another of my friends responded to the call. Many of my friends knew her. There is a lot of hurt happening right now so I just praying that I can have the right words or, as was my case when I was in this situation, the correct lack of words. It is hard to know what to say when things like this happen. Everyone deals with grief in a different way. I like to hide and not talk for a really long time. Others like to remember the people that are gone. The most important thing that I learned was not to say anything at all unless asked. Never say it is going to be alright because nothing is alright when life has been dramatically changed or stolen! I pray that the right words and the right silences will be given to me so I can be there for my friends.

A historic day...

2009-01-20T17:13:00.002-07:00

Does anyone else find it strange that everyone keeps talking about this being a pivotal moment in history? As if previous inaugurations have not been momentous? I agree that it is amazing that we have come so far in the last 40 years so that we can elect an African American to the oval office but is that really what any of this should be about? If we really are supposed to look beyond color and race and only see people then why is it constantly being thrown in our face that he is a black man and no other president has been? Does that make those former presidents and founding fathers and less notable and honorable? It is wonderful for America that we can elect a man and not worry about the color of his skin, however, that is not what an election is for! We should have been watching the inauguration thinking about how this is going to change the nation for the better or worse not about the color of the mans skin. Hooray for the African American race, that they are finally being treated equally....oh wait, I've been doing that my whole life. I think it's about time we all get back to what actually matters here, policy and moral standard. I couldn't give one flying flip whether he was black, white or purple! I want a president who will fight for the moral majority and not for the left-wing, morally bankrupt minority! I am upset that this election has fallen to the left wing but I am confident that God has a plan and that even if we did not support him in the election, we must support him now through our prayers. It will do no America any good to speak ill of the President or his Party. Prayer is our strongest weapon! Let's use it!

Topsy Turvy

2009-01-13T17:23:00.002-07:00

This month has given us some suprises so far. We are halfway into January and barely into a new year and we are looking into some major changes in our little family. Jared's company has had setbacks for the last few months and just had a lay-off. Unfortunately Jared was a part of that lay-off and he is now job-hunting and looking into other options. Until this, the economic downturn of the nation hadn't really affected us but now we are acutely aware of how bad things are getting. On the plus side, I am learning how to budget meals better and Jared is learning all about budgets and cutbacks. We are trying to look at this as an oppurtunity, maybe for him to go back to school and maybe just as a jumpstart to changing careers. Luckily for him, I am a positive thinker and I have no worries because I know God always cares for His own. Prayers are always appreciated although I don't know what I should be asking for just yet. I will keep you filled in!

Our First Christmas

2008-12-26T12:43:00.002-07:00

I think that as far as first Christmas's go, ours was a winner. We did nothing at all and it was wonderful! After sleeping in til almost afternoon we spent the entire day watching movies and playing with our puppies. I think that everybody should have the oppurtunity to spend Christmas alone and with no obligations and no chores. This may have to become a tradition in my house. Perhaps I should dedicate one day a month to just vegging on the couch or playing a game together. That is my new years resolution, a bit too early perhaps but worthwhile all the same!

2008-12-16T19:55:00.002-07:00

Can you believe that it is a mere 9 days til Christmas? It seem's like this year has gone by much faster than those in the past. I am a reminiscer (I don't think that is actually a word) and so I spend most of my time around this time of year thinking about years past. Last year was very special for me and my close friends because we got to spend it together for perhaps the last time in a very long time. Now my best friend Rileigh is in a different country and my bestest friend plans on marrying him and moving there with him. It's sad for me but I know it is a happy and exciting time for them so I try to smile.

This year is my first as a wife and so I am trying to be all domestic and bake Christmas goodies. I have a long to do list before my family comes to my house for a Christmas gathering but I have inlisted the help of my brother and his girlfriend. He will do anything for food!

I mad Caramel Corn for the first time last night and I was quite surprised with how it turned out. I guess I do remember some of the things my Mom tried so hard to teach me! My gift buying is almost complete and my house is decorated so I am ready to enjoy this Christmas with my husband! Christmas day is going to be just the two of us and I am really looking forward to a tranquil holiday. So often holidays are less than enjoyable because of all the work that must go into them. I hope that this year will be different.

As always December is a bittersweet month for us and hours. Not only is it the last month of a year that we will never see again but it once again marks an anniversary of a dreadful moment in our lives. My dearest friends and I were changed thoroughly 3 years ago and our lives have not been the same since. I look forward to spending the Season with my family but I pray for some solace for a family that is no longer whole. Time does not heal all wounds as the saying says but it does soothe them. I trust my pain to Christ and I pray that they also will be able to give up their sorrow to God and let a tragedy be turned to something good in His name.

Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas already?

2008-11-12T12:29:00.002-07:00

I just got an e-mail saying that Christmas is only 43 days away! That doesn't seem possible! Have you ever wondered why they put the two largest and most expensive holidays so close together? I am getting a head start on Christmas this year. I have decided that I will shop early and decorate as soon as I can so then I can focus on how wonderful this season really is! I get to shop for children this year again and that is my favorite part of it all. Why aren't adult gifts as much fun as kids? I already bought my husbands present so I have that one out of the way but I am still stumped for almost everyone else!

My brother is always difficult! He always asks for socks. It gets really boring buying him socks every year! I had a great idea for him this year though! In fact I had two great ideas so I gave away one to his girlfriend.

Dad is difficult but this year I just decided that I would go simple with him and make him a pie. He seems to appreciate that more than anything else anyway!

Since the economy is in such a slump this year I have decided to put a price limit on every gift I buy. I don't know how easy that is going to be though especially when it comes to my nephews!

If anyone has any grand ideas for holidays I would love to hear them! We are all going to be a little crunched for money this year and I would love to hear how you are handling that!

Nostalgia

2008-10-29T13:50:00.002-06:00

I love the smell of fall in Hastings. It smells of the bread factory and ethanol with a crisp coolness to the air that reminds me of apple tree. It brings back so many wonderful memories of the days spent here. I love the way the colors change all of a sudden here. There is no slow bleeding of colors from green to brown. It is almost instant. One day they are a lovely green and the next they are the brown that lets you know, winter is coming. It helps you remember how quickly things can change. I find it amazing that everyone I know seeks to get away from this community and I can't seem to bury myself deep enough into it. God sure knew where I belonged. I am looking forward to a walk tonite in the brisk fall air with the scents of fall surrounding my husband and I as we pick our usual fall/winter conversation. He hates winter you see. I think he is insane. I look forward to our first snowfall and how beautiful the ground looks for those first few undisturbed hours. He will tell me that snow is awful and that we shouldn't talk about it because it makes him depressed and I will tell him that he has to take me sledding and he will say no. Ahhh, I love fall!

Can anyone tell that I am easily amused?

Back to the real world

2008-10-28T11:21:00.003-06:00

So I took two days off of being an adult. I spent a great Sunday afternoon with two of the best friends a girl could want. We watched movies and talked until 2:30 in the morning. It's a good thing I don't work Monday mornings! Now it is back to the real world. I am at school today working on some projects I don't understand.
This week another of my friends is entering the married life. I am leaving on Thursday to help her with all of the work that a venture like this requires.
In another couple of weeks I will be shopping with another friend for her wedding dress. We are all growing up. Pretty soon we will be scattered across states and continents. As we grow up I tend to miss the old days. I truly miss the days when our biggest worry was our homework.
I suppose we have to grow up but I do wish that time would go by slower!

I intend on preserving these friendships. No matter how hard it is across an ocean or a stateline! We are friends and I intend on keeping it that way. So often people stop communicating when there is distance between them. I know I have done it.

I am not sure what my life will be like without my sisters. That is what they are to me, sisters. I don't know how I am going to feel when I can't just pick up the phone and call them whenever I want or spend a weekend with them for no other reason than because I want to.

This is such a bittersweet time on our lives because we are all moving on to what we have always wanted but at the same time we are going to lose these connections that have been there for so long. I guess that is the price we pay for moving on. Does anyone else wish Never-Never-Land was real?

2008-10-25T08:43:00.002-06:00

Sometimes my life is confuddled. Have you ever had those moments? There are so many things to do and so many choices to make and I never know what the right ones are.

In times like these I like to curl up into a ball and watch T.V. I can't do that anymore. I am an adult now. I don't like it.

How do you go from being a happy go lucky teenager/college student with no big life choices to being a grown up with a whole bunch of them. This weekend I am reverting back to my less responsible days and I am going to spend the weekend on the couch, with my friends. We are going to watch nonsense movies and chill out.

I can avoid being a grown up for another couple of days.

My Girl

2008-10-21T16:27:00.002-06:00

In my last post I wrote about how it was important not to throw yourself into a relationship too quickly. I wrote that as a woman we need to rely on our girlfriends for our emotional support until the wedding. I got alot of input on that subject and I really appreciate that!

I would like to reiterate that as a girl my emotional needs are still met by some women in my life and I don't rely completely on my husband for all of them. I know that sounds strange, seeing as how I believe that marriage is sacred and that no other person should ever compare to your spouse, but I honestly believe that we need other people(friends) in our lives. I don't know everything about marriage especially since mine is so new but I do know that I should not ever complain about something if it is going to hurt my husbands feelings or cause him in any way to resent me. When I need to vent about something that is of that nature I simply call my BF. She always understands. She also never tries to fix it! As much as I love my husband, I don't always want a solution! Sometimes I just want to complain! Girls are so much better at that.

While there are parts of my relationship with my husband that I do not discuss with my BF, there is nothing about me that she does not know. She knows all of my hopes and dreams as well as my weaknesses and faults. I need her there for me. My relationship with my husband is something that I hold very near and dear to my heart and I cherish his input but he loves me and he doesn't always notice the things that a BF does. She is my catalyst, the person to put me back in my place. She never worries about hurting my feelings and I need that.

Without good friends a woman tends to lose her self. I am determined to be me and I need someone in my life who will remind me who that is. No matter how much it hurts!

Our Wedding Day

2008-10-20T10:02:00.001-06:00

2008-10-20T09:43:00.000-06:00

I have decided to write another blog....this one I hope to keep up on!

I have a friend who is in need of some help. It isn’t a dire need or an unusual one but rather something almost every girl faces at some point or another. Sadly enough, the world gives out the worst advice on this matter.

This friend has gone through a terrible breakup that had alot of heartache involved and now she has been dumped again. On the verge of hating men and not wanting to ever be involved again, I want to give her some advice. Please give me your input on this matter!

When one of my previous boyfriends broke up with me, God worked it all out for the best and I learned a valuable lesson. I had been ignoring my best friends and focusing my energy on a relationship that was much shallower than the ones with my friends. I learned that in order to be the best partner for someone else, you have to be your best person! I focused on God and my friends and then when my husband asked me out I treated it differently. I wasn’t afraid of what he would think of my because I knew that I was a good and strong person. Most importantly, my husband and I cultivated a friendship in the beginning of our dating relationship. We didn’t fall head over heels for eachother. Being friends with him made me able to trust him first and then love him.

I think it is important in every womans life to be on your own for awhile. Learn that you don’t need a man in your life, become dependant upon God and rely on your friends for the emotional and moral support that you need and then when you are in that relationship, you can slowly(and I mean really slowly) transfer those needs over to him. Too often girls throw themselves into a relationship and rely on those men for all of their emotional needs instead of their friends. That is why it hurts so bad when you break up. Rely on God! Then rely in that girl in your life. The one that is always there for you. Let her be the one you go to! Until the day we got married, Kelsey was still the one who I relied on to vent to, to hear advice from and to know that she is always on my side. Still now she is my girl. Always keep those girls close. Girlfriends last a lot longer than boyfriends!

I think that if we all took time to get to know a person before we transfer that emotion and faith into them that we wouldn’t be so easily heartbroken. Dont get me wrong though, a little heartbreak is good for everyone but there is no need to intentionally put yourself in a situation where you could be hurt so severely. I trust my husband with all of my heart and soul but I took a long time to get there. We had a very shallow relationship for a couple of months before I felt like we were truly friends. After that point I slowly allowed myself to put my trust in him. Now he knows every hope and dream, but if I had placed all of that on him to begin with, I don’t know how we would have turned out.

Besides protecting yourself, there is another reason why you shouldnt put everything into your relationship at once. It freaks guys out! At this moment if you asked my husband what his honest opinion of me was, he would tell you that I am crazy, obsessive compulsive and embarassing! He loves me now so he doesn’t really mind it. In fact I think he fell in love with the crazy part! Now imagine if I had let loose all of the crazy parts of me on the first date….”I hate pork! My laundry is organized by type, then size, then color. I dont want anybody ever putting anything out of place and I think that people who messy are evil!” Do you think there would have been a second date?

I don’t claim to know everything about relationships but I do know that God want’s us to guard our hearts! Our hearts belong to God and he wants us to be careful and wise!
Any imput would be greatly appreciated!